A New Years Blog

I have not blogged in a few weeks since December 10th 2009, lots of things have passed and happened and lots of stuff in my life has been good and some has been bad. Some things will never change, and parts of me hasn't gotten used to living with the idea that there is nothing i can do about it, because i am the sort of person that will put my mind to something which i love and want more than anything in the world, and to be told basically there is nothing i can do about and all i can do is just sit and wait it out to see what happens is like arghhh.

I think its because i like to be in control of my emotions and part of me wants to tell her that she is still loved more than anything in the world and i still want to be there for her and will never give up on her. I think we have gone through so much together and we have had the complicated of complicated relationships as they come that we are closer than ever but it feels strange i would think on her point of view because well of course were not together and she has to be careful of her heart and not to let it get hurt again, but today when we was talking i don't think nothing has changed about us as people and we still see the love in each other that we once shared its jst the situation that's changed. Well that's what id like to think anyway.

I am split in two halves at the moment because I want to talk to her and i don't want her to be uncomfortable about it, like i want her to just enjoy each other like we always used to when we talked, and then there is the part of me that is as you girls would say "over my heels for her" I want to tell her i love her and that not a day goes past or a year as its jst been new years that my feelings hasnt changed. She may think that shes been evil to me but quite frankly she hasnt and none of that has crossed my mind :) life is to beautiful to think about those things.

My new years resolution is one for me alone and that is to love myself because before i can love anyone else properly i need to love myself :) oh and my other one well that is a secret for people that i trust and know :D



This Video Tells Its Own Story



This Video, Listen to the lyrics and I think you would understand

All The Best

Nathan J

Daily Blog: Dec 10th 2009

I haven't wrote a daily blog in ages. Why do people read blogs?, you can read something but not understand the emotion behind it you only see them as words. Okay you might of had a similar thing In your life so you can connect to it, or you might be going through things now.

I think I write a blog to get things off my chest, talk about things that I'm to scared to bring to the surface with family and friends. Its my oppertunity to open my heart and just splash its feelings on a empty white pieace of paper.

:-)

Lately I've seen our lives like our own personal picture. We have a empty peace of white paper, which represents our life. We need to live life so the draw represents our paths we choose in life, our picture defines who we are and what shape we take in this world.

Then comes the detail, the colours is your drawing bright and colourful or dark and bland, is your life good are you happy or are you sad.

Good things and bad things are sometimes balanced sometimes there's more good and sometimes there's more bad, we can't choose what fate holds in store for us, atleast if you don't live your life for you. Like a drawing you can take control of your life, maybe there is a dark spot in your life, you can erase It and make omends and try to make your life better. Like the drawing you will always know the bad things have been there but that doesn't mean you can't change.

I find that when we are stuck in our life or we need to make choices or we need to ask ourself what road we want to go down, remember the drawing, your given a peace of white paper the rest is up to you :)

---

It feels like I haven't seen civilisation in so long, after my operation, and looking after my nan I aint had chance to go out much, it seems like I lost track of the world.

But I'm gnna try and go out tomorrow and I have a photography session friday which I'm really looking for.

I want to start making a impression, lookin smart, looking like I mean business, in a sense looking after myself more than I have in the past.

:)

I will try to make the last thing short because a certain person will be reading my blog and well I dnt want to over throw her head with more worries and thoughts.

Here's the story, there's a girl I am so in love with, its hard to be with her and I will do anything to make tomorrow a better day for us. Things in the past few weeks have shown me that we should be together, it literally screams out at me when certain things happen, so what ever this means to you..."I know we are so amazing and perfect together, I am willing to wait to see what comes around for me and you because I know when the time comes, there's going to be one hell of a party in our life. I know I may have pushed you in the past, I know I might of questioned your motives. Life is hard for you atm you told me tonight you wished you could be happy without having to sacrifice anything, and my answer to that is, one day you will have the strengh to hold everything in your life that you love, and when that day comes, you will look back and think what did I ever worry about. I don't know if that person will be me or not but whoever it is will be one of the luckiest guys in the world to have a princess like you, okay put aside your tantrams and your moaning when smething not working out, even your lack of strengh sometimes. If you put a side all that aside they will see what I see..that you are Katie Louise Farbrother, all you bring is yourself and if you find that one that truely loves you, those little faults they will come to love because there part of you. No one is perfect but you are a real life princess in my eyes, there's not one bit I would change about you. So whether you bring beauty to my life or anothers I am glad to say that I know you because people like you are rare, I guess that's wht we must sometimes feel so lucky when we fall in love xD

Sorry that kinda wasn't short, and hey it is 3.51am I did come to bed at 2 lol.

I guess when you have something on your mind or if you need to tell someone something or do something in our lives, there's no time like the present :)

Goodnight to you all xxx
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

.....

I would be lieing to everyone if i didn't say that the past few days I have been walking around like a zombie on coke. I have been walking around like someone who is constantly thinking constantly questioning himself.

Don't we all do that, question ourself if we are good enough or not, and when it comes to love man my luck sucks ass with love, Im not gnna explain why i say that because words are not needed anymore.

I want it to snow, I love snow. But like all things we can get what we want sometimes can we. Or can we with a fight how much we fight for love depends on how much we love and how much we love shows.

I love you with all my heart and soul i would fight for you with my eyes closed always x

Forever and Always x

:-) Atleast in some form the truth is told :)

katie, do me a favour and yourself a favour
tell me what youve been wnting to tell me ?
now with no hesitations
22:55Katie
i love you and i want to fight for us because i believe in us

After a long thought..

After a long time thinking of this weekend, and trust me I have had all weekend to think, since most of my weekend has been peaceful. I have thoughts about my life and people in it and everything. I have come to a few conclusions.

1. I love Katie-Louise and I will show her how much I love her Life is to short :)

2. Christmas has began and I am going to enjoy it.

3. I am going to work for what I want

4. I am going to look after the friends I have because I don't have many and the friends I have mean alot to me.

5. I am going to continue being true to myself

This weekend, I have thought about everything more than there is here..

First Time

Says It All :) x